in you I am nothing - yet you suffer
me to be. you will not put me out
but wish me to be. the rebuffer
of prayers is not you but me - who doubted
your being and my own and would not hear
your call. this hawk of a son is called back -
the father of sons in full career
with wife and daughter - to sit with tact
in your presence the first time since boyhood.
puberty broke my prayer but gave me song -
now at 60 we can tell what was good.
it is satisfaction for doing wrong
that we must entirely die if we are
to pass into God - dropped from a star.
6 October 2021
The sonnet concludes with a thought from Bernard of Clairvaux.